Do you remember when you were you were a child? Those brief memories that you hold dear. They feel like they slip farther and farther away as you age. Everyone has a sense of this as you approach new futures.
My biggest memory as a kid is when I was turning 10 years old. I remember one phrase from my father, “You’re the big 1-0, double digits, no turning back now!” He said this in a joking manner and laughed with me. But, I remember feeling at that moment, I didn’t want to grow up. I was unhappy about making it to the “double-digit” side of things. I was a very sensitive child, very aware of myself and my surroundings, always needed safety, and extremely cautious. I don’t know why I was so worried about turning 10, obviously, I got over it quickly.
I will be 29 this year and the approaching ending to my 20s era has not hit me negatively but has made me definitely aware of the things I have achieved, my failures, goals intended but never succeeded, and wishes and dreams. All these things that I am acknowledging I feel will come to a type of end with my age. As both my older sisters’ have entered into their thirties, I will be the last of us to cross that bridge. It’s both exciting and nerve-wracking. As the youngest child, I always felt like I had a longer timeline for some reason. Kind of like I got to watch everyone around me grow up first then I got to follow afterward, but it was always such a small feat. Now towards the end of my youthful youth-ness, it feels like I should have been more aware and prepared.
I’m not going to say I’m scared, because that’s not what I’m feeling. I am feeling more of a sense of accomplishment. Sort of like, “I made it through my twenties! Now let’s see what else adulthood can offer.”
I don’t know if that’s a weird feeling, but I stand positive. Are there goals I wish I had achieved before I turned 30? Yes, absolutely. I still have one more year to try and accomplish those things. I want to be filled with enlightenment when I cross into a new era of myself, a different kind of New Year celebration. There are many goals that one sets for themselves and you must remember there is always time to succeed.
I have found myself not worrying too much about the small things as I used to. This has been my biggest achievement since it was a huge hindrance throughout my twenties. “Worrying” was the main argument in my current relationship and made previous ones incredibly difficult to manage. There are tons of books, classes, advice, etc. to explore how to help reduce the act of “worrying”. In my experience, until you have an “Ah-ha!” moment, the “worrying” just keeps happening. I think the biggest factor that led me to my moment was how aware I was about this part of myself. I awoke one morning, after having many serious talks with my boyfriend and just felt at peace with my mind, more than I had ever before.
I remember talking about this in another post of mine. I had mentioned I can’t wait for this “Ah-ha!” moment happen to me and I think it’s when you turn 30. When I realized my mind felt calmer, I had that moment and just peacefully told myself, “You did it.”
Do I still fear failure? Yes, of course. Am I afraid I might not ever achieve my largest goals? 100%. The thing about these fears is that I will always feel that way until I do something about them. Sometimes I wait around too long to take action and I self-criticize for not doing better. But I’ve never wanted to truly give up, so I find ways to keep my interest in those goals to potentially achieve them. Or I try to find new goals that might be more attainable at the time. I talk with friends and family to gather support.
My biggest fear is not finding a career that will be supportive in the ways I require. I am being very translucent here because, why not. We are all human and have had many of the same thoughts. Though this is my demon in the shadows, I keep trying to push myself to find what callings might be there for me. I also know that with exiting my twenties, my life is still very young and there are so many opportunities I could find and jump into.
So as the last year of my twenties approaches and the gate to my thirties comes into view, I am here to embrace it. I am excited and can’t wait to see what other achievements I make.
I hope all you approaching thirty people are doing well and feel a sense of calmness as your new age draws near. Remember we have a lot to offer and to be offered. Whether that is through new friendships, house goals, careers, families; whatever it may be (which are all things on my list by the way). It will bring new brightness to your life.